


"After all this time, I still love you."

by Vivian



Category: Super Junior
Genre: A-little-Yehyuk, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:07:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25897180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vivian/pseuds/Vivian
Summary: "A smile can hide the tears. A laugh can hide the pain. But nothing stops the longing to have you back again. Baby, everyday I still regret for losing you."- Kyuhyun.
Relationships: Cho Kyuhyun/Kim Jongwoon | Yesung
Kudos: 5





	"After all this time, I still love you."

One late afternoon in June, when the sunset was flickering somewhere by the open window, the white curtain was sagging and suddenly fluttering in the wind. The afternoon sun drop could not afford to leave, but kept lingering, spilling that sweet yellow color over the body of the image lying on the bed. The man shook his body slightly when the sun accidentally ran down his heavy-lids, he raised his hand to gently rub it before slowly opening his eyes. When his mind was still dizzy before he could reshape his surroundings, the familiar antiseptic smell from the hospital hit the sides of his nose, unexpectedly. This made him uncomfortable, eyebrows slightly furrowed. It is not clear how many days this is when he has to start his morning in a place not home anymore, everything is so repetitive that this place which used to be very strange has become familiar soon.

\- Are you awake, hyung? - The main door was pushed in lightly with the boy's radiant figure wearing a bright smile. The perfect smile on his face probably partly dispelled the gloomy atmosphere of the room, so bright that even the golden sunlight was ashamed to leave. But as soon as his gaze touched his gaze lightly, the sadness once again overflowed in his heart, like torment and pain. That smile was so beautiful, why did it turn into Yesung's mental obsession for the past two years? Then, every time he saw him, he felt his head throbbing.

"I love you, really love you." That stream of memories flooded back into his mind again, a figure of a certain boy clutching his hand, crying and sobbing, whispering the most sincere words of love, tears rolling down his cheeks. he was so honest that he almost believed the prospect. He does not deny how touched he has been, but then when he realizes the naked fact that it is just an illusion that he himself created, he is completely devastated. Sometimes he also asked himself so much, that why heaven brought all the suffering on him, giving him a permanent scar that could not be healed.

\- This illusion seems to be becoming more and more real.- Yesung pursed his lips, a pale smile also popped out, the way he looked at him was always so gentle, but now hidden deep in that gaze is a speechless difficulty, a broken hope, perhaps a broken word of love.

It's me Cho Kyuhyun, it's been so long, but why you still see me as my hallucination? - Kyuhyun sat down next to him, letting his hands tightly clasped with each cold finger sagging on the bed. . His gaze gradually became more fervent than ever, as if pleading for him to realize that his presence was completely real. But the false dream from him was only indirectly drowning every last tiny ray of his desire. His hand suddenly pulled out of the warmth that passed, he shook his head slightly, his strangeness made his heart seem strangled, uncomfortable.

Just before the two of them could say another word, the door of the room opened again, and then the doctor in his white blouse slowly entered, holding a file of documents covered with words. The timeless signs of time seem to add to the solemn look on his face. Kyuhyun immediately stood up and walked towards the doctor, he whispered something to him, seemingly asking about Yesung's situation. After a while of discussion, he walked over to his bedside for a brief check.

\- Do you still see hallucinations or not? - the doctor moved the receiver over Yesung's body while asking in a steady voice. He did not reply in a hurry, he just glanced at where Kyuhyun was standing, staring at him for a long time before nodding slightly.

\- His body has completely recovered, but the only problem now is his hallucinations.- The doctor paused for a moment to observe Kyuhyun's face and then continued- Only one left how to completely deal with this. Go back to your country and find the source of the problem.

Kyuhyun was still standing there, silent on the corner of the wall, watching his slightest movements. That kind of sour feeling suddenly welled up in his heart, so unexpected that he could not stop the bridge of his nose from stinging and the corner of his eyes could stop throbbing. His lower lip was bitten to bleed by his teeth, but what was the pain compared to the wound he was suffering from?

"Yesung ah, I regret it, I really do."

/ - /

Two years ago, Seoul, Korea.

\- Yesung hyung, Yesung hyung! - Eunhyuk raised his voice a little, his hand holding a cup of soju was half empty. This was the third time he had to call out his name aloud in the bar. Every time he was by his side, Yesung was like a soul, wandering dreamlessly drifting his mind somewhere else. But today is even worse than that, he has been looking at that phone screen from the beginning of the date until now, his wary expression, worrying, never smiling, Eunhyuk also must be busy with. When he heard his call in his ear, he was startled, raised his head and looked into the troubled gaze from him.

\- Are you okay? - Eunhyuk asked timidly when he accidentally saw a frown on his face. Yesung was never a cold-hearted person, but Eunhyuk himself can feel his reluctance to be with him. He was no longer laughing and talking as freely as before, and his jokes only became more and more indifferent. Eunhyuk sometimes wondered too, what was the reason that he and he were together? He has never once doubted the feelings that he himself gave him, but in return, is the feelings about him boiling in his heart love or not? Is it just a temporary replacement, a tool to deal with the loneliness that he once suffered at that time.

\- I'm fine. But I thought I had to go. - Yesung suddenly stood up, his face seemed to be darkening again, looking even more restless than before. The rush from him was like giving Eunhyuk a fierce blow, he knew the reason for this urgent appearance, the other expression, he knew everything. Eunhyuk had endured for a long time during his days with him. Even though he knew his end early in life, he still turned a blind eye, even deceiving himself many times. That he always considers him the most special one, which is the words of love that he gives him will be unique. But no, he was never something that truly carried weight in his heart, not even a little.

\- You went to meet Kyuhyun again, right? - Eunhyuk also stood up, reaching out and clinging to Yesung's sleeve. His words sounded like a whisper, and the intonation was as if it were affirmative, not a question. In an instant, the space around the two seemed to have stopped altogether. He tried to catch his gaze to whirl in it and find himself a suitable answer, but he still avoided him like that.

\- Kyuhyun happened a little bit. I can't leave he alone. - Yesung said sharply, he honestly never wanted to hurt Eunhyuk, but the world is so cruel to him, even if no matter how hard they try, they cannot fulfill their own emotions. He knows very well what kind of feelings he has for Eunhyuk, it is love, but at the same time, he has always quietly dedicated a corner of his heart to Kyunhyun, that emotion won’t stop in the words "Love" anymore, he love Kyuhyun, he give him all the empathy and understanding that he can accumulate in the world, he love him so much, and maybe will love him forever. .

\- If so, I will free you. In the future, I will not bind you anymore. - Eunhyuk gently released Yesung's hand and let go. He saw him take a deep breath, hesitated for a bit and then left, waiting until his shadow was lost in the distance, he whispered softly the words earlier were suspended - And he didn't need to reluctantly tore my heart one more time.  
All broken, never returned love pieces. Is it possible that a lonely person is only completely alone?

/ - /

That night, Yesung ran all the way to find Kyuhyun, he searched all over the places he could pass, even ran to his door and knocked on the door. But still do not find him anywhere, only until he has almost completely surrendered in despair, walked up to the banks of the Han River as the last remaining fragile ray of hope, did he look see that familiar figure. The faintly breeze blows away the floating hair, the cold air is cold when the sunset gradually falls. Kyuhyun sat on the bench facing the waves covered with a yellow color of street lights. Although it was a very far distance, Yesung could easily recognize him among the countless lines of people. He moved closer, patting his shoulder, who was shaking from unknown weather or sadness.

Kyuhyun of that time, saw him as if a single person in the sea accidentally grabbed the only lifeboat. He tried to suppress the sob for a long time, but Yesung arrived at the right moment, so he could not calm down any more, drops of heavy water dripping under his drooping lashes. The afternoon sun drops gradually, sometimes also pity for the boy's broken heart and linger on his shoulder to comfort. Yesung did not know what to do more, the feelings he had to bear, he understood more than ever, because day by day he was tormented by the same emotion, maybe to him it was familiar enough. to the point of being crippled, but Kyuhyun, who is always in such a cheerful state, was also beaten down on the difficult journey of life by something called love. He thought he should have said something, but then stopped, just gently stroked his firm back while his sympathetic gaze fell on Kyuhyun.

\- Hyung, she left me. This time she really left, walking with another man.- A choked voice came with a small sob, Kyuhyun said without being able to lift his head to look at him, and that sad is enveloping him, so insane that it spread in the air.  
The choked hiccup sounded simple, but in fact it seemed to mix with the crumbling of what was beating on the bulging left chest. His hands were wrapped around his head, his hair was violently messed up.

Yesung was dumbfounded for a few minutes, his feelings were no more pleasant than Kyuhyun, he had just experienced a love affair, but deep down in his heart, he knew it wasn't even painful by blindly watching him cry, choking on someone who is not worth it. Just a fleeting moment, the feeling of envy suddenly surged strongly in his heart, reeling like a fierce wave just waiting to hit the shore hard.

Why that girl has everything Kyuhyun has, from his brightest smile to his most bitter tears. Even the only wounded gap in his heart was because of her. Why did she have everything Yesung had always wanted, but dared to overthrow everything? He hate her that much, but when he think of Kyuhyun, his inner screams even more bitterly.

Is it the right choice to let go of this situation, let it self-destruct and be buried under the layers of the memory region?

/ - /

Yesung dragged his feet heavily on the busy road, he slowly glanced around the city - the familiar capital Seoul, which he forced to leave two years ago. Gently clicked his tongue, this place was once so dear, why is it so coldly foreign? The scenery has changed a lot, but perhaps ... Even the people next to them are no longer the same as before. Everything changed so much and so quickly that even an urban resident even felt surprised, let alone a long-time expatriate.

Each piece of memory is patched up, how clumsy it is in the mind. The line of happy and sad mixed memories used to be a piece called the most precious youth. All of them, shattered. And then an involuntary dull pain passed through his head when the accident that year on American soil was unintentionally reappeared in his mind more clearly than ever, crimson blood droplets were strewn across the cold ground, pain like a yeast spread to every cell in the body, to the bone marrow. Yesung involuntarily reached out and hugged his own head, this pain has always tore him through the years, making his mind crazy and no longer clear what the reality is, everything goes dreamy through like that forever.

Yesung kept walking unconsciously, letting his own steps lead the way. Until he reached the bank of the Han River, he had stabilized mentally and stopped. Actually, after such a long time, everything has changed more or less, this place alone is still intact as those years. He reached over to raise the handrails on the bridge wall, looked down at the waves, the wool scarf that was squeezed around his neck was blown up by the wind. The weather in Korea is falling on the beginning of autumn, the yellow leaves are scattered on the fast flowing water, only making his feelings worse.

\- Yesung hyung! - A familiar figure came from nowhere, the strangeness created from the air seemed to disappear at the bright smile of that boy. It was Kyuhyun, whom he had fallen in love with over the years, who also appeared in his psychedelic coma. When he met him again, he didn't know what emotion he should show, he couldn't laugh, but cried even harder. Chaotic, recuperating and then flustered. His heart is still beating fast when he sees him, just like his childhood.

The two of them kept letting go of a few casual social sentences, then switched to chattering. The conversation seemed to be very normal, like two old friends accidentally meeting. But then, Kyuhyun kept talking about his ex-girlfriend, with a gentle and considerate gaze mixed with compassion. He said that she is still doing well without him, saying, "I will forever engrave her image in my heart."

And that seemed to have unintentionally ripped open the wound of Yesung's seemingly healed heart - once again, the feeling that would never return is now tormenting him everywhere in the realm. heart. He felt his mind was numb, his body stiffened without bothering to move, his eyes stared fixed on nothingness.

\- I have always loved you.- Yesung whispered very quietly just enough for he and him can hear - But I have never once intended to return your love. Do you think that the years ago you cared for me so much, taking care of me so closely were all derived from pure brotherhood? Do you really not realize or are you deliberately ignoring my feelings for me? I have been trying in silence for so long for you, today can I be a little selfish? I was really jealous of that lucky girl, she had almost everything I wanted in the world.

Kyuhyun silently listened to the interrupted words coming from Yesung's lips, unconsciously, he didn't know how he should feel about this situation. His eyes were all red, and every word he said was not clear, but it was like a sharp knife cut into his skin when it hurt. All these words are from the sincerest of his, that half of the lie does not exist. This will probably be the first and only time he confesses his feelings to Kyuhyun.

\- But I love her, I love her, I love her, I really love her! - Kyuhyun whispered, but slowly raised his voice, and finally almost shouted at him, and that it made him feel cold in his heart, as if someone had hit him in the head with a hammer. Pain, pain to break up.

So that's it, all the emotions he gave Kyuhyun didn't have any weight in his heart, not even a little. He has already confirmed it yourself. Yesung smiled faintly, he heard a sound of his heart being crushed slowly under the words his loved one uttered. Suddenly he felt his head aching unbearable, the most unusual pain ever, he hugged his head tightly, eyes closed. Gradually there was nothing around him but a dark, dark patch, he felt himself as if he were straying into an abandoned city, the fog filling all the roads. Then, words from each other racing appear to bump into his body, "I love her, I always remember her, I never once loved you."

/ - /

\- Yesung, Yesung! Can you hear me? I love you, really love you! - Kyuhyun kept screaming like that, no matter how much the pedestrians were pointing, he repeated the sentence repeatedly, to the point of his voice The clear is now also husky. But Yesung could not hear these words forever, his eyes were dim, dark and kept staring in the air like a lost person. He was stuck there, in the midst of painful deserts, between the torments and inner torments with secret love that could never be released. He will never hear Kyuhyun from the bottom of his heart, because his mind is obscured by the image of Kyuhyun and that girl.

Kyuhyun's mind seemed to have deepened his feelings in that moment, those same words of Yesung pursued his mind for the rest of his life. After days of coma finding out his feelings for Yesung and regretting when he left, he originally thought he was able to find "Half of his heart", but no. That dream is now just like a beautiful unfinished dream, he will forever be tormented by his own late regret.

A person seems to be stuck in the middle of an illusion of love, another person is tormented by his own thoughts for a lifetime. Although beautiful love piece, always unfinished?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I just came back with a Kyusung fanfic! Actually, this fanfic didn't I write, I ordered commission from facebook Lewis Collin, because I'm too lazy to write but I still have many round ideas 😂. But I was the one who translated it into English (my English not really good so sorry :(), so please enjoy it! Anyway, if everyone has any feedback, please give dm to twitter @cloudangelpetal!


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